(written in 2002)
It is said that we are spending too much time, money, and energy on both private and public education. The ratio of spending on education in Korea ranks first throughout the world, and students studying abroad rank fourth, even though TOEFL scores rank 119th. The ratio of using the Internet is also very high. In this way, we are so eager to learn and achieve something more. It is partly and probably because our senior citizens couldn't study enough. It seems that they greatly regret not being able to pursue their inner desire to learn more.
Our parents usually want their children to be successful and achieve their dreams in the near future. Most of them believe that the sure way to success is education. They tend to be disappointed if their selfish expectations are not fulfilled. So many little children start extracurricular classes from an early age. It's a pity that they have so much pressure and stress when they are supposed to be having fun.
When I was a child, nobody encouraged me to study hard. I wasn't also interested in studying with all my heart and energy. One day, my mother told me that she would put my school bag into a furnace because of my low grades at elementary school. Up to high school, I didn't dedicate myself to studying. It was only after high school that I began to study hard. When I entered university, my major job was staying in the library; I went there very early in the morning and came back at night. I studied with zeal so I could receive a scholarship continuously. By means of a scholarship, I was also able to study in the Philippines.
By the time I finished an M.A. at the University of the Philippines, I was wandering because I was not sure of my future _ whether to pursue further studies or enter the religious community. I wasn't able to guarantee my future by myself. I struggled for a while and, in the end, chose to come back to Korea and enter a religious congregation. In fact, studying alone was beyond my capability because I had to take care of everything while living abroad. I gave up studying more and instead began a spiritual life.
Entering the congregation, I have learned various spiritual things, including the Bible, spirituality, prayer, charism, church history, catechism, forum, communications, etc. In the meantime, I was tempted again to try my graduate study at the university. From time to time, I couldn't completely get rid of my desire to continue my education. One time, I even made up my mind to leave the community and study again. I thought that I would do my apostolic work better, with more proficiency, if I study more. However, I decided to choose and pursue this consecrated life.
Like the wind, my desire comes and goes. I made the perpetual profession by June this year, but the temptation to study more is always with me. I found out that I am still attracted by the idea of studying again. Just a few weeks ago, I considered the possibility of studying through the Internet. In spite of my longings, I couldn't find extra time and energy to pursue further studies because of apostolic work to do. In fact, I'm not able to deal with all the given work now. So many things are waiting for me that I am dreaming of having more time each day.
Then, I meditated on my desire to study more. I asked my inner self if further study makes me freer, happier, and more beautiful. The answer was no. Finally, I decided to give up studying more at the university because that doesn't guarantee my innermost happiness and freedom. What I want is to be as happy and joyful as possible at the present moment. Where does this joy come from? Does it come from my ability or achievement? It could be in some way, but inner peace and joy surely come from ``being," not doing something. Experiencing and sharing love in the community can't be compared with anything. That's why I abandon my desire to study more whenever I am tempted. Of course, I have to die from worldly values and expectations. Surely, my being will bring more worthwhile and spiritual fruits to the community. I want to enjoy my being in every moment.
What is the most important and necessary thing in our lives? Is it success, achievement, position, rank, or wealth? As everybody recognizes, I think the most valuable treasure or gift in this world is love. Sharing joyful true love is the sure way to harmony and balance in human relationships. Many people would agree that love is the ultimate answer to every problem. True love lets us be free from excessive desire and attachment. Putting that love into our daily lives is the essential lesson that the good news is talking about. If so, why on earth should I keep studying more?
The Korea Times/ Thoughts of The Times/ Dec. 23, 2002
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