My eldest brother 나의 큰 오빠

       (written in 2005)

 My eldest brother and I didn't grow up together in our rural hometown because of the age gap. When I was born, he was already studying at the university in the city. There were not enough occasions for me to talk to him because of space. After graduating, he got a job, married, and lived in the city.

 I used to long for his visit to my home during feast days such as the lunar new year, harvest day, and my parents' birthday. When he left home, I cried hard leaning on the hall window. He was not gentle to me at all like my father, but I deeply longed for his ample presence.

 When I compare his age to other colleagues, he is almost like a father. I still don't talk much to him while visiting his home once in a while because I'm not used to it. In fact, I don't know how to talk. Anyhow, we feel we are in the same family and pray for one another.

 At the age of 60, he retired from his job. Nevertheless, a very mysterious thing happened to him early this year. His former association called him back to his duty, and he is now taking responsibility for the whole organization of about 280 people as Secretary General. It was quite surprising news to me.

 After his retirement, he took a course to learn how to take pictures and naturally took many photos of nature and family. Some of his works were even chosen as fine work and winning pieces of work.

 Then, he was sincere and eager to join in the church activities such as an altar service, communion distributor, Legion group member, and service for the old congregation. He tried to do something meaningful in his last days of life.

 All of us didn't expect him to go back to his work after three years of retirement. All of a sudden, another new role awaited for him to work for the association again. You know, it's not normal to work again in the same institute after receiving a retirement allowance.

 Furthermore, our society tends to reduce the employee to the minimum if possible because of reorganization. However, it's clear that we need somebody who can take responsibility with honesty, integrity, goodwill, and good human relationships.

 It seems that his only disadvantage is drinking. He enjoys drinking. He makes an effort to control this habit, but as you know moderation is not easy always. He feels good while drinking with others.

 Being a filial son, he is doing well to his mother 84 years old. Looking at his family, I feel the precious bond of family with four generations living together in an apartment with only four rooms.

 Everybody knows that living together is not always easy and comfortable. Living with one another demands a lot of understanding, patience, and waiting. But they manage to be a good example of a large family. It's a pity that many modern people are losing a sense of family and home. 

 No matter how much we are inclined to be individualistic and convenient, we need one another. We need the spirit of home and family. Living alone or with those who have the same tendency or quality can destroy the sense of solidarity and sympathy. Happily, some people are going backward and we still have hope to endure and survive for a greater cause.

 Living in the community with various and different sisters, I know the potential and limits of being together. Appreciating and accepting difference and even disparity sometimes take time and energy. Sometimes, we need time for being alone to keep the inner space and to be free from others. But each of us can't but be influenced by others. We are tied to one another in various ways.

 One of the reasons for respecting my eldest brother is his ability to lead his family. Of course, he is not perfect, but he is very sincere and humble. He said two keys to good human relationships are listening attentively to the end without interrupting others and understanding them as they are.

 Another value I've learned from his social change is doing the best in the present moment. Living and doing the best at the given moment was what he did after retirement. Isn't it beautiful to see people living the given moment to the full in spite of inner trouble? Surely out of endurance, something graceful and grateful will happen free of charge.

 The situation might not turn out to be good all the time, but be patient. Do what we can do here and now. Something will probably happen to us of the mysterious power. Don't be discouraged because of disadvantageous and even hopeless conditions. Please don't give up, but try to make hay while the sun shines.

 What we need at this moment would be inner change. "Doing business with St. Benedict" recently published by Pauline suggests changing our point of view to be more positive, collaborative, and visionary. All of us can do something better to lead society toward common goodness. Let's give it a try.

 The Korea Times/ Thoughts of the Times/ May 21, 2005