Mid-life 중년의 삶

 

          (written in 2005)

I respected and loved my senior co-worker and naturally expected too much in spite of her individual tendencies and limits. With her unique personality, she couldn't understand or satisfy my personal needs and wants.

 While working together towards the same goal to make good books, I felt I was hurt from time to time because of the gap between us. The attachment also brought some distance between us, and I sometimes had a hard time controlling myself. I'm sorry for my immature sensitivity, but those times have already gone.

 Now the time has come for her to leave her post; she was recently transferred to another post in another community. Hearing that news, I couldn't but shed continuous tears. As if ice melting away, tears came down enough to release my inner struggle and purify myself. Being attentive to my inner reaction, I realized I'm turning over forty years old, which is normally called the age free from vacillation and temptation.

 People say the forties is middle age. One day, one of our sisters advised me to prepare for mid-life and gave me a book entitled "Dear Heart, Come Home: The Path of Mid-life Spirituality" written by Sr. Joyce Rupp. Appreciating her warm-hearted consideration, I read it at once and found the keywords. Going deeper into the inner self is the main theme of that book. Truly, knowing and accepting the true self is the basic condition to grow further.

 As we can see, many modern people are used to expanding themselves outwardly. They regard academic achievement, economic success, scientific discovery, and career development as more important values even though these are rather worldly things that distract the spiritual journey. However, it's good to see that more people are yearning to lead a spiritual and contemplative life. Going deeper into the self to attain spirituality is the big issue of overcoming the forties.

 Some people say mid-life is a crisis, but Joyce Rupp says it is more than a crisis. "It is a summons to grow and a challenge to change. It lets us enter inward and move to interiority. It leads to going into the deeper space to discover the meaning of our being." More than the external changes of life, internal change is also important to live an integral life. Middle age is a turning point.

 In fact, our life is a constant movement of transformation. It is always in process; we are growing both physically and spiritually. While growing deeper, we are also undergoing the process of pruning the unnecessary parts of the ego. Experiencing our nakedness, letting go of strong attachments to people or achievements, and stripping the ego are the main inner works to go deeper into the self.

 It is time to risk the hidden path of going deeper. The journey to the interior is an essential part of the mid-life process and an inescapable dimension of growth. Without encountering our naked weakness, we can't begin again from inward. Only when we face ourselves as we are, we can be healed and free.

 There is another book that helps us to prepare for an advanced age. Richard P. Johnson, in his book entitled "The 12 Keys to Spiritual Vitality: powerful lessons on living agelessly," suggests 12 ways to change our lifestyle.

 These 12 keys to changing our lives are as follows: Change the perspectives on getting old; look for love anywhere; be joyful in doing something together; live in the present; seek the true self; forgive; calm the anger and the whirlpool of the heart; give generously; be happy with faith; discover the deep meaning of life; don't be enslaved by feeling; keep the balance of life.

 We've heard those lessons to vitalize every moment of our lives, but putting the inner values into practice is never a simple matter. In spite of all kinds of situations or conditions, I believe we can change our perspectives, situation, and lives. Step by step, we can realize and internalize spiritual values such as love, joy, collaboration,  forgiveness, calmness, self-control, generosity, sharing, freedom, and balance as Richard suggests.

 Looking back on my recent life, I can't resist crying especially while praying. I'm a sister who has been disciplined to control the self, but I'm also a weak human being. I  have to face and endure the process of loving somebody dearly, feeling jealousy and longing, and learning and experiencing while paying the price. With the help of grace, all these moments are happily purified and broaden the narrow-minded point of view. Then, mid-life is the way to purify and expand the inner world of life. Let's celebrate our mid-life with one another and share our experiences to broaden our views.

 The Korea Times/ Thoughts of the Times/ July 20, 2005