Being with others 다른 사람들과 함께

                                                       
          (written in 1997)

In this post-modern society characterized by information technology, electronic networks, globalization, virtual communities, and cyberspace, we can be together even without meeting others in person. We are not with others in a physical way, but we can still communicate with one another in a manifold way, beyond time and space. This togetherness is realized not through direct human contact filled with love, but through cyber-technology. This kind of scientific togetherness is expanding more and more owing to human longings for a worldwide network. Nevertheless, we are hardly satisfied with this phenomenon. Something is missing in being together in the virtual community.

 What do you think is missing? I think it is love. Truly, communication without love and compassion is possible and useful in this cyber-era, but not so meaningful and touching. What I have longed for and searched for so far is to be together with love in deed – to be together by means of communication through love.

 My pursuit of togetherness goes back to my subconscious beginnings when I struggled a lot due to the reality of being alienated from my surroundings. I felt little solidarity with my family, in spite of their care and love. My heart was so closed that I wasn’t fully able to see and hear and feel the love of my family. There were certain subconscious barriers. Those childhood emotions made a deep impact on my social life. I thought I did not care for much.

 For example, I had a friend whom I missed dearly in high school. I enjoyed being with her. I was even jealous when she was familiar with others. I wanted to be with her and was naturally heartbroken when she turned away from me by the time we graduated from high school. Facing a sense of loss deep in my heart, I tried to meet her again, but couldn’t find a way to do so. Sometime later, I heard that she had married a man after graduating from the university.

 This broken friendship thereafter caused gloomy reactions toward other people. My fear of human relationships, which actually sprouted from my childhood memory of being alone and alienated, made me face some difficulties in being with others. I was more used to being alone and doing things by myself. On the other hand, I was deeply and personally longing for being and doing things with others.

 I studied again, after a two and half years break since graduating from high school. My strong will and resolution made possible the impossible. I concentrated on studying, and the result was satisfactory. I could have married a man if I had said yes to his proposal. However, my life goals were somewhat religious and oriented toward Heaven. I could have become acquainted with various friends, but I had committed myself to studying alone. In fact, I couldn’t have a satisfactory relationship with others around me, mainly because of fears lingering in my subconscious.

 After a tearful search for a meaningful life, I finally entered religious life. I have lived together with other sisters in the community of the Daughters of St. Paul (Figlie di San Paolo in Italian) since 1992. It has only been in this consecrated community that I have sincerely begun to learn and experience the true meaning of being with others. Used to being alone, I had become rather introverted. However, while living with many other sisters in the community, I had to undergo a personal spiritual journey so as to purge my sense of alienation and loneliness.

 I cried a lot on the way to overcoming my emotional distractions and immaturity in human relationships. Jealousy, possession, and self-pity that had been imprisoned in my hollow subconscious made me suffer inwardly, but the amazing grace of God and the sisters’ generous love have allowed me to experience God’s intense, perfect, forgiving, and universal love. It took considerable time for me to learn the community spirit. Renouncing and emptying out my desire to be with those whom I love more, my selfishness has come to the front so as to be cured day by day, especially with the help of spiritual counseling, prayer, and meditation. By experiencing the joy of being with others, I was able to understand, accept, and little by little love others as they are.

 Through all the struggles and tearful joys, in February of this year, after 5 years of initial formation, I finally made my first profession. What I have learned from that period? In a word, I can say I have learned to be with others “in person,” through loving and being loved in the universal community spirit. I could be alone outside this community, but I am still living together with many sisters in the community. I could do something alone, but I am choosing to do something noble, with others. In spite of all the conflicts I have to cope with, I haven’t given up the spiritual opportunity of being in this communal religious life. Learning and experiencing the value of being with others, I am offering my life for the apostolate by means of mass communications, so as to be with people and love them in the company of Jesus, who reveals himself in a mutual relationship of love.

 Do you think that highly developed information technology can provide us with the heartfelt joy and peace of being together in the brotherly love and communion of the community? Being with others in true love can only heal our wounded hearts and brighten society.

 

The Korea Times/ Thoughts of the Times/ July 26, 1997