When I studied English literature long ago, I was fascinated by "Walden." I wanted to live in the simple and frugal world of Walden like Henry David Thoreau. Instead, I entered the Convent.
Sometimes when I lose a sense of balance in
my life, I ask myself, "What if I lived in a community where nobody knows
about me? I wish I could live in a place where there is no prejudice about
me."
"Hey, nevertheless in a month, everybody
will know about you. Whether you are here or there, it is the same everywhere.
That's life."
That's true. There is nowhere that I can be
hidden. I can't live alone without letting others know about me.
In spite of that reality, I sometimes dream
of going far, far away from my place. It is a place where there is neither
prejudice nor critical judgment or comparison.
Would that be possible? If possible, where
is that place? What would happen there?
I am just as I am. Therefore, my
personality will be revealed naturally and spontaneously, and struggling with conflict and adjustment will go on because I can't totally escape from my
reality. As long as I live on this earth, I can't help but face my reality as
it is. Not only the strong points and the merits but the weaknesses and the
limitations go along with one another in a perpetual circle of life.
One day, one of the sisters in the
Congregation said to me: "You are so unrealistic that it might not be easy
to live as a missionary sister." This comment about me is a fact that I
have to accept with humility. It is true that I am rather unrealistic,
imaginative, sensitive, and creative by nature. It is my reality that I can
neither avoid nor deny at all.
Even though I do my best, I can't totally
overcome my emotional flow. The emotional edge and the hopeful beginning are
intertwined continually. As the dawn is enlightened at the end of the night,
the hope overpowers the emotional edge thanks to faith in God.
Recently during my vacation, I walked
around "Ttangkkeut maeul" which means the village on the very tip of
the Korean peninsula. It was interesting to know that the catchphrase of that
village is "the beginning of hope. " Clearly, the end is not the last
but the hopeful beginning.
Ttangkkeut village in Haenam-gun,
Jeollanam-do is the southernmost area and the farthest point away from Seoul.
The village on the edge of the land is surrounded by the southern sea filled
with various kinds of seafood such as algae, tot (hijiki), dasima (kelp), kim
(red algae), miyeok (brown seaweed), abalone (Haliotis), and others. This area
is also famous for figs and fish farming of abalone.
Walking around Ttangkkeut village with a
light heart helped me refresh myself. When I struggle with difficult sentences
during translation, I sometimes feel pain in my right shoulder. Worse is when I
have a migraine on the right side of my brain. It is a sign to take a moment to
walk, exercise or rest for a while to recover the balance in body and soul.
Then, happily, I recover my energy and
begin again with fresh vitality. A hopeful beginning is recharged again and
again. Thus, the perpetual journey of the end and the beginning starts an
adventure every day.
In human relationships, good moments and
conflicts are intermingled. The sociable, lively, cheerful, and emotional
character goes against the timid, sensitive, and reserved personality. The sunny
personality needs much patience and compassion for a moon-like person like
me. But as in Ttangkkeut village, the end is not the end but the beginning. The
sea and the earth, disappointment and understanding, confrontation and
solidarity, conflict and compassion mingle and intertwine with one another
endlessly.
http://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/opinion/2017/10/162_238366.html
The Korea Times/ Thoughts of the Times/ Oct. 27-28, 2017.
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