(written in 2004)
Who is more favorable to God's eyes? The religious, priests, lay people, or those who do not believe in God yet? Who can be lovely and graceful? In fact, nobody can be judged in his compassionate heart. In his eyes, the weakest and smallest person can be sure the greatest of all, for his divine will becomes full of weakness and powerlessness.
The mysterious power of God is revealed in a little baby called Jesus, and some people celebrate his birthday. There does remain the profound meaning of powerlessness. Some people regard the religious as more spiritual and transcendental persons. Lay people often envy the religious who can practice deeper piety day by day. However, the critical point is that this graceful state can be habitual and ordinary because of laziness, pride, and a hardened heart. True power comes from powerlessness.
Let me introduce a cook maid or helper in our community that consists of 45 sisters. She was baptized in the 1980s and is now greatly interested in the charismatic movement of the Holy Spirit. Her reason to believe was because of her son who was sick but cured through faith. Her faith was deepened two years ago thanks to her participation in the renewal group of the Holy Spirit. She was once proud of herself but changed by this spiritual activity. At present, her priority has become prayer and devotion.
While washing dishes, cleaning the kitchen, or running errands for half an hour or so every evening, I met her whose faith is so pious that she tends to observe her devotion going to extremes.
One day, I asked her how she controls her anger. She said she talked directly to Jesus because he is the only one who can truly listen to and console us. Talking to others is sometimes useless and transient in spite of releasing tension and uneasiness for the time being.
Then, I asked her why she is praying so hard and going without food every day. She goes without two meals every day. She simply said she is doing that because God wants her to do so. And the Bible recommends she fast. Furthermore, she wants to be a spiritual person. By means of fasting, she confessed that she has more inner strength and fellowship with God.
She is honest and faithful to her duty. Whether others look at her or not, she is doing her best to clean the kitchen and prepare meals for her sisters. Being moderate in eating and talking, she is trying to practice what God wants from her and pays attention to the voice of God.
Whenever I see her bright and silent smile, I marvel at her faith. One thing I'm worried about her is her family because it seems that she spends more time going around to attend prayer meetings and healing activities. As a wife and mother with two sons, she would probably have many household works at home.
Looking at her piety, some people say that she is excessive in practicing her faith and point out her extreme devotional practice. However, I think her faith is the way she can totally rely on divine providence without worrying too much about her poor family. As you know, everybody has a breakthrough or retreat place somewhere else in her life.
It's good that she enjoys praying. It seems that she prays harder than the religious. Religious people are naturally provided with various things just because we are chosen to follow in the footsteps of Jesus and give up worldly things every moment. In fact, we are given much by the merciful grace of God.
I fast only one meal a week, especially with the intention of the North Korean. But she fasts two meals every day with a cheerful bearing. It would not be easy to work in the kitchen for the whole congregation, but she is still helping us because Jesus says to do so for the salvation of people.
Then, who is better in God's eyes? What makes her live like that? I can't say those religious people are better than lay or ordinary people around. I'm happy and glad to see that God is merciful and generous towards all people, whether they are religious or not.
I recall that I was more desperate than now before entering the Congregation. I was so imminent that much creative energy came from me to go beyond my limits. That's why I could endure and be patient with the given reality at that time. It was somewhat of a period of initiation I had to undergo.
The situation has become quite different now since I became a member of the Daughters of St. Paul. After entering this community, there is no need to worry about my livelihood. It seems that almost everything is provided as far as I am faithful to the vows of chastity, obedience, and poverty. It's truly good and worthwhile to live a simple and humble life.
The other day when I began to look for the reason for my being monotonous, I realized a sense of that imminent desperateness has disappeared in my life. Because of my regular daily schedule, I'm just keeping myself busy in performing my apostleship without sincere and necessary imminency to make my spiritual life awakened. Even though I'm setting aside some time to pray and contemplate, I just feel I'm not yet going deeper into spirituality. While helping to cook just for a short time every day, I am learning and experiencing a lot. I realize it's neither others nor the surroundings that make me have a sense of spiritual imminence. It's my choice. I believe that I can be fully alive as far as I see the divine spark of life present in every being every moment.
The Korea Times/ Thoughts for the Times/ Jan. 12, 2004
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