Like the Wave 파도처럼

                                             

                    (written in 2007)

St. John of the Cross said that "those who look for the naked Christ do not need other treasures." One of the reasons that I entered the convent is to live like the naked Christ.

 In other words, I want to empty myself and resemble Jesus. Nevertheless, I often look for other treasures; I have lofty goals but still find myself tackling various obstacles.

 Why am I living in a religious community? Why do I choose this way of life? Looking back on some years of professing the virtues of chastity, obedience, and poverty, those questions came to mind.

 It is not easy to adjust myself to the religious community and it surely goes beyond my power. It takes a considerable amount of time to enjoy and appreciate being with others as they are. I'm living every moment by the grace of God. That's why I'm here and now.

 Day in and day out, I learn to enjoy being with others in the community. At the same time, I'm struggling with desire, attachment, and possession that can lead to a life of vanity and unbalance.

 If I forget the priority of my relationship with God, I might live a secular way of life even in the religious community. It's a constant struggle to be free from every kind of attachment, and it sometimes leads to tears.

 Living in "a culture of choice," I have to constantly discern and choose what is most beneficial for me. Otherwise, I can be too materialistic and individualistic.

 Without falling into the ground and dying, a grain of wheat can't be sprouted and grown. It has to fall down first and die in order to live as fully as possible. In this grain of wheat, I find the reason for my being.

 I can be a grain of wheat while doing my job. These days, my major apostolate is reviewing foreign books and translations as well as editing books. I read the same text more than 5 times in the process of editing a book, and it demands much endurance, waiting, and thoughtfulness.

 In this job, I have a chance to be a grain of wheat. I'm falling and dying, but the book can help others find happiness, consolation, healing, and awakening.

 It's said that young people are losing a spirit of sacrifice little by little. That would be why some people emphasize the search for spirituality and traditional virtues. Just look at mothers, who stand for sacrifice and love.

 Giving birth to a child means sacrifice and death leading to a joyful rebirth. Sacrifice is natural and instinctive for parents by way of the steps of dying and rising. I think all of us are inherited the potential power of falling and rising.

 During the summer vacation this year, I often walked by the seashore and closely observed how the waves rise and fall.

 The driving force of the dark sea constantly produces much foam on its surface and lets the wave dance. The wave constantly moves; it comes, rises, falls, flows, sinks into the sand, and goes back to the sea. It comes and goes without ceasing.

 The wave draws the mountains into the sand and all traces instantly disappear. Binding the ocean to the earth is truly a mystery.

 As the moon and the sun go together in an opposite position and cause the night and the day, the rising tide and the ebbing tide, every kind of presenting its unique power of rising and falling.

 Appreciating and accepting differences and variety as they make the world alive and exciting. It's variety and difference that makes the world beautiful, lively, and energetic.

 That would be one thing that St. John of the Cross discovered on a dark night of searching his soul. As difference and variety lead to liveliness and harmony, darkness is led to light, enthusiasm, and awakening. As a grain of wheat, death is not the end but the beginning of life.

 I appreciate the mystery of falling and rising, dying and living, emptying and filling in what St. John of the Cross says as follows.

 "Those who know to die in everything will attain life in everything. The night leads me and the night is kinder than the dawn. May you not enjoy anything if you want to enjoy everything. May you not try to know anything if you want to know everything. May you not possess anything if you want to possess everything. May you not want anything if you want to be all."

 

https://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/opinion/2007/07/137_7486.html

The Korea Times/ Thoughts of the Times/ Aug. 1, 2007