I belong to the Daughters of St. Paul proclaiming the Good News by means of mass communication. This specific mission means that I should be first-rate in communication. I'm expected to be a good and professional communicator, but I've often found that I don't meet my own high expectations.
Facing conflict and personal limits in communicating properly, I can't but be humble and accept myself and others as we are. One of the obstacles in communicating with others is the honest and direct way of dialogue. It is often said that honesty is the best policy, but a simple and direct way of talking without considering others' situations can hurt them without the intent to do so.
While recognizing my personal limits, I happened to read 'Sharing Wisdom: The Practical Art of Giving and Receiving Mentoring' by Robert J. Wicks. It was recently published by Pauline under the title of "40 Ways of Mentoring that Share Life's Wisdom" in Korean.
This book suggests 40 ways(skills or tips) of mentoring, giving, and receiving life's wisdom to enlighten the heart and mind. It says the foremost skill in communication is listening. Simply listening without judging or demanding can heal and broaden human relationships.
Various episodes in this book tell us the value of respect, a positive way of thinking, opening the heart, understanding, letting go, humility, patience, freshness, freedom, balance, seeding, gratefulness, detachment, sharing feelings, questioning, etc.
In fact, we give and receive informal mentoring every day. Through every encounter, we help one another by sharing the wisdom of life, experiences, and advice. Meditating on the 40 ways of mentoring, I was curious about the concept of mentoring.
Mentoring originated around the 8th or 9th century BC when the "Odyssey" was written. Just before King Odysseus joined in Trojan War, he asked his best friend Mentor to take good care of his son Telemachus. King Odysseus won the 10-year War but lost his way home. However, Telemachus grew up to be a wise young man and helped his father to return safely and to build the Kingdom of Ithaca.
Fenelon, the French writer, first wrote a story about the adventure of Telemachus in 1699, and the concept of mentoring was introduced to the world. Mentor has become a synonym for a leader who leads people with wisdom and trust through one-to-one mentorship.
In the late 1970s, several scholars including Bobb Biehl, Howard Hendricks, Robert Clinton, and William Gray in North America studied mentoring. One of the mentoring scholars said that a man without a mentor is like an orphan without parents.
The mentoring system entered Korea about 30 years ago. It was widely known because of "The War of Talent," which speaks of the marvelous power of the strategy of talent.
Various companies, groups, and universities are adopting the idea of mentoring to develop the potential of humans as fully as possible. Like the leadership program, mentoring is being introduced little by little in every corner of society these days.
Mentor has various meanings such as teacher, helper, supporter, leader, godparent, etc. Basically, a mentor is a person who gives help, and a mentee is the one who receives help. The activity of mentor and mentee is called mentoring. Business executives, experienced educators, counselors, A.A. sponsors, clergy and ministers, and volunteer helpers use mentoring skills.
It is said that those who have just entered a company need the help of one-to-one mentorship. Seniors can help juniors by sharing work know-how. Senior students in university can help juniors reach their full potential.
When facing crises
in life, it is good to have a mentor to whom we can talk heart-to-heart. Many
problems can be solved by communicating in this way. If we have a wise figure,
with whom we can share hopes, desires, difficulties, and life in a natural way,
we are much encouraged, refreshed, and guided.
I remember the time when I didn't know how to talk and share my feelings to come out of the inner darkness of my life, especially during adolescence. However, I had quality time during the novitiate of my religious life; I could let everything out through spiritual counseling, and this painful but worthwhile process helped me a lot to face, accept and love myself as I am.
We are suffering from various problems and obstacles in life. Some people just endure and endure and even make themselves sick because of it. Why don't we come out of our small worlds? We can develop freely through talking to one another and letting go.
No man is an island. We need to help one another. Considering the increasing rate of suicide and divorce, we have to look for a way to open our hearts and talk.
The Korea Times/ Thoughts of the Times/ Mar. 30, 2007
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