(written in 2003)
One day I found out that I was almost in the mood of falling in love with somebody. In spite of being single and professing the vow of chastity as a nun, I sometimes feel this way. I just need to embrace myself as I am. Facing and accepting my vulnerability, I feel alive and also pained.
As you know, I chose the spiritual way of life, which means I have to pay for it. Praying, serving, resting, being happy in the present moment, and working for the common good of others surely contribute a lot and release tension. Nobody would deny that we become happier when we love and serve others. Then, personal passion or stress is purified and transformed into unselfish compassion.
Recently, I found one way of getting rid of such tension. That is exercising. I enjoy climbing mountains. Whenever there is a chance, I try to go out and refresh myself in nature. However, I can't often go out to mountains far away from my community. So, I take time to go to the little mountain at the back of my community. It's quite fun to be with trees there. I feel good while jogging in the mountain. I hold the whole world in my heart.
Since I made a resolution to jog, I have gone to a nearby mountain every morning before breakfast. It's good to follow winding paths along the way to the mountain. When I go downward, I run, when I go upward, I just walk. I sometimes hesitate to go out early in the morning because it is still dark and cold, especially in winter.
Further, I try to make an excuse when I have something else to do. I like to read a newspaper or a book. I also want to make use of the morning to pray. In spite of hesitation, I usually choose to exercise as much as I can. Once I go out, I feel refreshed. Nowadays, the day breaks earlier than before. Along the way, I find many grown-ups, including grandmothers and grandfathers, exercising. There are various gymnastic appliances to help the health of civic people.
As I jog, I recognize two things: one is refreshing my emotional mood and the other is improving my physical health. And that helps my meditation. I often think that keeping the body in a good condition is the basic and important way of managing daily life. Without the body, we can't do anything else. Even with a slight headache or stomachache, we can hardly concentrate on working properly.
Only when we have a clear and sound body, we can contribute more for the common good of others. The body can do nothing alone without the soul. At the same time, the soul can't do anything by itself. Since the body is the container of the soul, it is necessary to take good care of the body. Thus, refreshing both the body and the soul is needed to harmonize the whole of life.
While jogging, I sometimes pray or listen to the radio. There is also time for me to not do anything. I just run for the sake of running. It's good and simple to run without thinking. Nothing comes to my mind. All in all, I empty my inner self and feel much better and freer. Breakfast tastes good after exercising. Taking a walk, jogging, or climbing a mountain surely helps both physical and spiritual health. Too much oppression with stress and tension will naturally dry up the joy of life. So, it's necessary for us to let go of negative emotions and worries.
If you are busy doing lots of work, I suggest you exercise. Take time to walk or climb. That will surely help you have a vision and dreams. Queen Elizabeth I, an example of good leadership, enjoyed walking around and riding horses. These exercises kept her body in a good condition. She overcame crises and changed the country. As in Elizabeth I's case, exercising brings about clearer vision and wisdom.
Once the body is lightened, meditation becomes simple. When meditating, I usually begin with breathing _ inhaling and exhaling. When I inhale, I say a short prayer such as "O Lord, please come to me" or "Have mercy on me," expecting the Holy Spirit to come into my heart. Sometimes, I simply breathe deeply without serious thinking. When I exhale, I hope all the negative things go out of me. I believe this way of breathing is a good way to calm myself down before meditation.
First, I read the Bible or spiritual books to help me contemplate. Then, I ponder the text and compare the message with my own life. Finally, I decide something to put into practice in my daily life and ask God to help me to live according to His will. From time to time, I just simply sit down and gaze at Jesus. It's good to feel present in front of greater love.
The Catholic tradition usually explains various types of prayer such as vocal prayer, meditative (mental) prayer, and contemplative (acquired or infused) prayer. All these prayers go through a certain pattern _ adoring God (adoration, expressing to God our love and loyalty), thanking God (gratitude for his favors), obtaining forgiveness for our sins (repentance), and asking for grace and blessing for ourselves and others (petition). In this way, we lift our minds and hearts to have a dialogue with God.
I pray for about two hours a day. Of course, community morning or evening prayer and Mass are not included in this prayer time. In fact, the whole day can be a prayer if we live every moment with love, awakening, and sympathy. After praying, our hearts are naturally filled with gratitude for merciful love. In many ways, we are renewed to begin life again. New ideas come up to put evangelical virtues into practice in daily moments.
The Korea Times/ Thoughts of the Times/ Feb. 17, 2003
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