I am out of my mind in some way from time to time. Recently, I put my white underwear to boil on the stove in the laundry room and forgot to take it off in time because of an unexpected doze. I was so tired and I had a headache.
I am energetic and positive in many ways. But I cannot remember everything at once as I grow older. Some things take more time to remember. I am also missing a sister who is on medical leave.
I always remind myself to read the Bible regularly, but I easily fall asleep at night.
I even reduced the time I walk and exercise. In general, I am smiling but inside I feel some kind of emptiness and longing. Furthermore, I am practicing driving on the highway despite the lack of a sense of direction and circumstantial judgment.
Looking back, these physical phenomena reveal my mental and spiritual attitudes. I realize that I am living while trying to avoid the situation as it is given to me.
Recognizing and admitting such human flow as a weakness, I cannot but confess that I am not fit for religious and orderly life.
Without the providential guide of the Holy Spirit, I might leave the nunnery. I just feel and follow the spiritual flow of the Holy Spirit.
"Watch, watch. Be alert!"
The Advent season in the Catholic tradition advises us of watching and of being alert always. Before deciding to learn how to drive, I was not so interested in the road at all. I didn't think driving was my personal mission. Even when I took in a car before, I just used to fall asleep and entrusted everything to the driver. Thus, not good with directions, I often followed the situation or the group whenever going somewhere together with members of the community.
I courageously accepted the chance to learn to drive. About three months ago, I enrolled at a driving school and had a hard time overcoming my hesitance and fear to drive freely. It took a considerable amount of time to drive as I wished.
I passed the written examination easily. However, I failed the actual driving test twice because of my hasty personality and inadequate sense of the traffic rules. Nevertheless, I eventually just passed.
I still remember the moment my foot trembled terribly. Whenever I tried to step on the accelerator, my right foot was shaking so much that I had to keep praying in silence. “Lord, please empower my foot. I am not driving for my sake. As you know, I am not fit for driving and I did not want to even drive by myself. I am just doing it for your glory. Thus, please give strength to my foot.”
I finally got my driving license on Oct. 25. It was not at all easy but I feel much better and I am slowly enjoying driving on the road. Driving is now both fun and a mission for me.
While learning to drive, I realized that such driving etiquette as looking far ahead, slowly going, being considerate, promptly grasping the situation, and giving way to others, is similar to the spiritual values that Jesus emphasizes in the Bible. Those rules and merits are really evangelical and positive to follow every day.
“Watch, watch. Be alert!” These simple words are not only the keywords of the Advent season but the secret magic words of driving and living.
https://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/opinion/2011/12/137_100027.html
The Korea Times/ Thoughts of the Times/ Dec. 3-4, 2011
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